he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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