im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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