She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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