Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
