Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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