Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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