Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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