ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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