I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Less talking, more tequila
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
