If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
