Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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