I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
