So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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