why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
