Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
