you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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