He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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