imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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