So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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