Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
