I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
