I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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