i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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