He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
