bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
