i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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