just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
