I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
