Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
