WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
