I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so explain again why im purple
no
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize