i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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