god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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