Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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