Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
