so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize