he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
