I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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