i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
