Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
