Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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