The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
