Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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