I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
