If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
