3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
