this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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