she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
