loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
