Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
