she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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