You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
