i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
