I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize