My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
