All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
