when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
