I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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