They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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