that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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