She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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